iExamen 2 - Ainsley Jodlbauer

  I really do love these iExamen pieces that we get to do because it makes me stop and really live a day in my life; staying aware throughout the entire day. I feel as though I learn so many different things about myself and others during these times. For this one, I was asked to say only what is kind, useful, and true. This task I found to be much harder than the first one, however not because I am a mean individual, but my personality is very sarcastic. I chose to do this on Saturday October 17th as I did the last one because it again would be around those I most care about. 

My communication was definitely different then how I would normally go throughout my day. I have been known to speak without first thinking what I am going to say, but today wasn’t that. My conversations I had with people tended to be longer because of my need to think before I responded to someone. I felt as though with this, I had more engaging conversations that were more meaningful than usual ones I may have. A few of my friends actually asked if I was “feeling okay” because I wasn’t being myself regarding my sarcastic undertone. I actually ended up having to explain what I was doing to them so they wouldn’t worry about me. 

At first, the thought that my friends were so used to my harsh sarcasm that they went as far to point out I wasn't being that way made me worry. I was afraid that maybe what I say does hurt peop;le, and that I don’t spread enough positivity to others. I ended up actually asking some of them whether the way I normally talk was wrong or not. They all said around the exact same thing, that being that they all love who I am as a person and that my personality was honest to a fault but in a good way. I think without doing this exercise I wouldn’t have ever thought to ask them if they were okay with who I was, and I’m really glad I did and got to know their answers.

I think that speaking this way helped me stay more positive throughout the day because I was always looking for good things to say, whether that be complimenting someone or simply wanting to give them assistance when needed. I struggle often in having “down” moments throughout the day, and I think with this exercise it really helped that. Do I like being this way though? To this extent no, because I felt as though it in a way stripped me of my personality.  

 There were a few times where I forgot about the exercise and slipped out things that may have not been considered “kind”, however my friends were quick to jump on me about it and tease me. This interaction with them honestly made me laugh every time, because it really showed the relationship we all have together. It made me realize that, while some people see me at first glance and think “wow she’s so rude”, my friends know who I am and throw it right back at me. I realized how accepted and loved I am by all my friends, which was such a great feeling to be reminded of. 

Going into this exercise I knew I was going to have a hard time with it. As suspected I did, especially in the beginning. While the day continued however it did become easier, and “kinder” words were following smoother. Looking back on the day I think that my biggest takeaway is that thinking positively like that really improves my mood throughout the day, and I think that a healthy balance of my own personality and thinking/speaking this way is a really great way to live. 

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